'Bachelor Pad' 2 Finale : Winners and Losers

It's the season finale of Bachelor Pad, and this one is supersized again, just to go out with a bang! (Like from a gun. Shooting you in the face.) So buckle in for three hours of idiocy as the four remaining couples -- Michelle & Graham, Kasey & Vienna, Kirk & Ella and Michael & Holly -- attempt to sharpen their last shards of dignity into the shape of a sword so as to stab each other in the back for that final prize of $250,000. But at least they'll all walk away with what they really wanted, which was more attention for doing close to nothing.

The couples each visit the training room to learn choreography for a sixty second routine.  Michael and Holly are first to attempt to synch up on the wall – it’s tough.  Graham tries to be tough for Michelle’s sake, but confides to the camera that he’s not okay with heights and is literally pissing down his leg! Riveting stuff only the week before the real TV shows start could handle it all! (AND it's happening at the same time as the latest GOP presidential debate, just so you can decide which group of self-serving blowhards you'd rather hear lie to each other's plastic faces.

The finalists are thrown onto a plane and end up in Las Vegas, where they walk into a theater that is "cold and kind of creepy looking," says Michelle. Like if Jake Pavelka was a theater, basically. Host Chris Harrison prances out from behind a cloud of smoke and uselessness looking like a lesbian Phantom of the Opera.

Since the most they've been asked to do so far this season is hump each other in mid-air for half an hour, everyone is crazy-freaked out by the prospect of doing something that requires actual training and skill. Each routine is only 60 seconds, and 10 seconds of that must be improv that demonstrates their "chemistry" as a couple. (Barf.)

We meet the "judges," who of course are the only three "successful" Bachelor and Bachelorettes, who in exchange for their love must serve as ABC's indentured servants for their entire lives: Trista Sutter, Jason Mesnick and Ali Fedotowsky.

The Winners: Holly and Michael! They've got roses, which means they are safe and going into the finals. They also have a big responsibility, like too much responsibility, probably: They get to choose the couple who will join them in the finale.

Who's Going to the Finals?

So now Michael and Holly have to choose which couple will join them (and compete against them) in the finals, and you can bet that Kasey and Vienna will do ANYTHING to convince Michael and Holly that it should be them. Vienna asks Kasey to be his "least intense," because she knows his freakish deluded passion is a big turnoff for Holly. (And everyone else except herself.) Kasey and Vienna try to say that they've "earned" the spot in the finals because they've "done the dirty work" all season long, and they also probably won't win, so Michael and Holly would have it in the bag! Kasey rambles on like a madman despite that Vienna told him not to.